A note to you [ not a part of the story ]

Hi everyone ,

I am grateful that you think this story is worth reading. All of you are very important to me and have in a way given me all the support I needed. I have the next two chapters ready but I wont be posting them for a while because I am at a point in my life where I am being pulled in a 100 different directions . I have some important decisions to make and so once I am at a more stable place in my life  when I can post regularly is when I’ll start posting again . It would mean a lot to me if you stick around to see what happens to Katie but if not I’ll understand.

Anyway this is just a message to thank you and tell you that the story is not over yet….Its in my head , I have to type it, is all !

I will definitely post a chapter soon but after sending this message I will feel better because I don’t like leaving people hanging but this time I have no choice.

I am sorry  I hope you stick around 🙂

thank you !!!!

Lots of love ,

theminiaturelight.

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Chapter 3

Dear Katherine ,

As I read your last letter (I am sorry that I did but I had to) …I could totally imagine a young girl with thick big glasses and dark brown curls falling all over that tear stained face.

If you do actually look like that then let me just say that you are truly beautiful and all that your grandfather described you to be .

You know, I told him this would happen. I told him that you wont believe in this for long, I told him its too far fetched and unreal for anyone to believe in but you know what he said to me, he said “My Katie will. If anyone has the strength and courage to believe in miracles its my little Katie”. Though I am sure you are not as little anymore.

Anyway, I didn’t understand what he meant but well I rarely understand anything he says. That man is one mystery I could never solve.

 I am writing to you today only because you said you won’t write again,because you said goodbye. You see I can’t allow you to stop writing because the one thing that I’ve never done in my life is break a promise. Though, I seriously contemplated lying. I thought that was the easier way out, as lying is usually the simple thing to do but then I realized the kind of guilt I will have to live with for the rest of my life so I decided to tell you the truth. Well at least part of it. I am sorry I can’t tell you  things like who I am,  where I am or how you get these letters from your grandfather  but what I can tell you is that Your Grandfather was a great man. I honestly believe that with all my heart . He changed my life and whatever I am today is because of him so when he asked me to do this, I agreed .Your grandfather left Letters….Lots and lots of letters for you but there is a condition, a condition that decides whether or not you get these letters.

You will get each of the letters as a reply to a letter you write but if you stop writing letters to this address then your grandfather’s letters will stop coming  to you and you will never get to know what your grandfather wanted to tell you and neither will I.  

I am sure you would like to know what was it that he had wanted to tell you but I also understand that how “crazy” all of this can seem like. So I’ll make it easier and less weird for you; instead of writing letters to a dead old man(sorry for the language) , you can keep writing them to me if you want! Since well you know I am alive and  capable of writing and will definitely write back,I promise … and with each of my letters you’ll get one of his.

But in the end the choice is yours ….You have to decide what to do! You have to decide what to write and who to write to . I don’t understand all of this any more than you do but from what I have seen, I can tell there is something very important in those letters. So I suggest you don’t give up …..rest is up to you !!

To a new beginning or …..an end ! ,

The letter man (that’s not my name though!! )

My reaction to that letter is still a mystery to me . Sometimes I feel I was happy and excited to read it , but other times I feel as if I was filled with anger , anxiousness or confusion . I am still unclear as to whether I thought it was good or bad but one thing that I am sure of is that I knew at that time that this letter was important and it had the power to change my life, my personality, my future forever. And it did .

Along with that strange letter, was another letter. This one looked as if it was written way before the one from the’letter man’. Even before I opened it I knew what it was. It was another letter from my grandfather. Another piece to this huge puzzle before me.

I hate mysteries …..and puzzles even more so. There is something about them that is  so frustrating and annoying. They are like this present that is lying in front of you on Christmas day and for some reason you can’t open it. In your head there are like a million possibilities about what could be inside the beautifully wrapped box …..but you don’t actually  know. Regardless of the number of guesses you make you won’t know what’s in the box unless you open it !!! And that wait …that gap between guessing what’s inside it and knowing what’s inside it, is frustrating. That is why I hate mysteries but on the other hand I love magical stories of miracles, the kind that makes you believe that life is indeed beautiful and that there is magic in every inch of your existence.

And that is what i felt looking at the letter in my hand. Frustrated but also very very happy; because even though it was a puzzle, it was one full of magic and full of hope.

I was just about to open this letter from my grandfather, when there was a knock on the door. I was scared. I still remember the strange feeling in my heart. That knock was like a reminder of the empty house I lived in. I lived alone in our huge house, except for the maids no one was at home anymore. With all my grief and pain I didn’t even take a step back to see what damage grandpa’s death had done to the family. After he died, it was very difficult for my dad or any of my aunts or uncles to come home since all of them were very close to him in their own peculiar way. My dad asked me too, If I wanted to leave the house and live with them at any of our other houses but I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to leave this place that  my grandfather had built. I felt as if it was my responsibility to keep this house from becoming an old abandoned building, I felt as if I had to keep it to honor him. So I stayed and they let me but on the condition that I live under the guardianship of Matt. Matt. He was the most normal thing about my life back then.

It was Matt at the door. It was one of his routine visits to ask me about my day. Ask me about how I’ve been. He used to think I was depressed. Really anyone would have thought the same but I didn’t. I didn’t think I was depressed. I was just confused and befuddled with all that had happened. He didn’t understand that. It was disappointing really;  I thought if there was anyone who would have understood what was happening with me it was Matt because he had always been a part of the family and had always just been there. He had always been like this older brother that I never had. Talking to him with his dark brown eyes peering into mine I felt  as if he knew something . Something about the letters. Matt always seemed to know things about the family . Things that I don’t ever get to hear. But I disregarded the thought as our useless chatter shifted to a debate about coffee and once again I stopped myself from opening up to a real person  and chose a piece of paper instead. I stopped myself from telling him and I did the only thing I knew how to . I pushed him away , like I pushed all people away. After my grandpa died , I needed space to feel okay again . I needed space and I needed time .

Some people like Matt understood , others just moved on but it didn’t matter to me much because I had a lot of other things to deal with . Like the letter in my hand .

Soon Matt was gone and I was left alone in my huge room with the letter. Another letter from Grandpa. I couldn’t believe it but I was happy. I was happy that now things made a little more sense. I was happy that I  was going to get to hold on for a little while longer. Because no matter how strong you are or how rational you try to be, given the chance to believe in a miracle ….You will believe. You will believe even if it means that you are crazy.

Dearest Katie, 

I know that this letter is surely accompanied with a letter from a stranger(to you) . I know him well enough to say that he can’t keep his mouth shut about anything. I don’t know how much he’s told you; regardless I forgive him because he is simply the most intelligent young lad I’ve ever come across and I am sure he can handle this. You’ll quite like him. 

As I am sure he must have told you there are letters for you, my sweet. They’ll all come to you eventually but till then I want you to be patient with me okay. I want you to keep believing because that’s who you are Katie. Belief and Faith is what makes you …YOU. I know you are heartbroken but this is life. And what have I always told you about life. Its a funny thing really, it twists and turns and acts stupid and breaks and makes you. But the way you deal with all of it, is what makes yours worth living. So smile. Keep your head up and believe. Because when we believe in good , good comes to us. 

I know you hate mysteries darling. Trust me, this isn’t one. Its just a message, a really long but important message that I need you to know before I say goodbye.

And Thank you for keeping my house. I can’t be sure but I have a feeling that you will still live there when I am gone. You are the only one I can count on to keep that house standing so I am leaving it to you. I know memories mean a lot to you darling and so no one will take it away from you now.

Don’t ask why’s , what’s or how’s ,  dear ……just know in your heart that it is real because at the end of the day that is all that matters.

Keep writing darling. You’ll soon know the answers to all the questions that you have in your mind.

Love, 

Grandpa

So I did. I did actually believe it was real. I still do.

Chapter 2

Death changes Life. It alters and disrupts the only thing that gives its existence meaning, life. Death will have no meaning if life is not valued. For if we think that living is a chore then death would be our easy escape. However for those who do not die, death causes the most harm. Death causes pain for those who are left behind.

Like it did to me. My life was not the same after my grandfather’s death. It was changed forever and it was so tainted with pain that the original colors did not even show anymore.

After I was over my initial grief, I picked up the paper on my writing desk. The paper my grandfather  had given me on his death bed was lying on the writing desk he got me 5 years ago.

The sight of that paper reminded me of his last words and they brought tears to my eyes.

‘Never give up,dear ; never give up !’

I looked at the address through my teary eyes and realized it was of someplace I didn’t recognize. Some place that I doubt was even in this world.I could tell you where my house was but that is the best I can do with places. Maybe even the directions to my favorite library but beyond that I was clueless .

So without thinking too much about where the place was  I wrote the first letter to that address without realizing I was grasping on anything that could get me closer to my grandfather, without thinking rationally I wrote that letter, the one I am sure you have framed somewhere but well that again is a guess.

1st January

Dear Grandfather,

I know this is silly. I know you may never get this. I don’t even know if this address is real but I can’t stop myself from writing yet another letter to you. Writing letters to you was more than just a passion for me, it was my life grandpa. I know you told me to be brave but I can’t see any light of hope anymore. I need you.I need you to guide me like you always do…..did.

Please come back.

I still don’t understand a word of what you told me before you left. Is this another of your mystery games? Are you trying to annoy me again by not telling me what it means? I need your help to solve this one too.

If you really wanted  me to figure it out  you would have told me because I am sure you know how much I hate mysteries. You promised me you will help me solve everything, always. You did. Now you have to come back and help me.

I know I sound like a little angry child right now but that is because I am . I am angry and I am and always will be your child. Please come back grandfather. I can’t even express in words how much it would mean to me if you just came back. Please …..

On a serious note ,if this is  actually is a place and you are a random stranger reading my very personal thoughts I would like you to burn this letter and never talk about it again but then again I have no way of knowing that so I will try  not to think about it and you can do whatever you want .

Yours Forever,

Katherine

 


 

Astonishingly I got a reply. It hadn’t even been  fifteen days since I sent it .I was shocked . I couldn’t believe that somewhere in this world there existed an Infinity street. I couldn’t believe my eyes and  this entire thing.

How is this even possible? Does this mean Grandpa is alive !!

I opened it just as soon as I was in my room.

Dearest  Katie,

I am glad you decided to honor my request. I can’t tell you how happy I am that you wrote a letter to me even though any sane human being wouldn’t have.   Well there are somethings that I know you don’t understand yet and you are struggling with moving on but I know you are brave and you can do it !

I will try to help you as much as I can but forgive me if I am not able to. You see I have a plan like I always do  and there are some things that I need to tell you before I say goodbye.

I always have and always will be by your side, even if you can’t see me I am there, right there by your side always.

My dear don’t ever make the mistake of feeling that this world has no hope or light because then a darkness like no other will get the power to surround you. Never think about the things you don’t want. Think about the ones that you do and they will be yours. Just believe angel. Believe.

I am not ready to say goodbye to you just yet, darling .

Love always ,

Grandpa.

They say grief changes you,  it alters your life and perception. Extreme pain forces our mind to make up things, anything that makes us feel better. As I read that letter, all I could think of was its questionable reality and my questionable sanity …but then that is exactly the kind of thing grandpa would say.  I couldn’t stop myself from questioning my sanity. All the pain and grief welled up inside me came together to ask this one life changing question. “Is this real ? Is my grandfather still alive ?”

I know somewhere deep down I knew the answers to those questions but my heart was pushing me to ignore all rational thoughts. It pushed me to be happy. It pushed me to believe.

So I did. I believed that it was real and that my grandfather had received my letter and replied to it somehow. I don’t know why but I did and because of it I smiled.For the first time in months I smiled and felt the light of hope coming back to me. I felt as though the pieces of my shattered life were coming back together with a new understanding and a clear way ahead.

I got up from my huge four poster bed and opened the curtains to all the windows in my room, as the morning sunlight filled up my room, I felt the veil of darkness on my life, lift up.

I know that thinking what I thought and doing what I did was crazy, really crazy but I did it anyway.I walked up to my antique and precious writing desk, took out some paper and wrote another letter.

Dear Grandpa,

Is this real ? Am I actually writing a letter to you ? I can’t believe it. There is a sliver of a chance that this is actually true and that makes me smile. This little ray of hope that maybe just maybe I can still write to you makes me happy it truly does. 

But there is still a big part of me that can’t quite accept it !! Maybe I am going crazy because of the grief of losing you maybe I am imagining this to protect me ….to protect me from the reality of life, like you always did .

If that is the case then I have to end this before it begins. I have to train myself to be stronger than what I’ve been and I have to accept that this life is not always sunshine ….there has to be a dark night for the sun to reappear and be valued. I will accept this night and end this facade before I go crazy ……

I won’t write again ……if you aren’t actually real, I won’t write again because if I have to say goodbye, it has to be now.

If I don’t say goodbye now grandpa, I won’t be able to …..ever. 

So I am sorry and Goodbye    ……. I have to become Katherine because the shielded Katie can’t face the world without you!! SO this is goodbye from Katie grandpa …..this is it !

Yours forever, 

Katie

I wrote the letter and thought ‘Why am I doing this ?’ ‘Why can’t I just believe its real?’ Why ?Why ? why ? …..then after ten minutes or more of cursing myself I realized that I am not doing this because I don’t believe in magic or miracles instead I wrote that letter to accept the painful truth that with my grandfather …that little Katie in me died too . The little Katie who believed that magic is real , who believed that she could fly , who believed that miracles happen , who believed that she would live with her Grandpa forever. Sometimes when a piece of you life fades away instead of looking at what was added to your life, you keeping looking at the empty place hoping that just by staring at the hole you can make it go away but you can’t because it was important , it happened but there is nothing really that you can do now. It takes ages and ages to accept this and it took me many years too! many years to believe in magic again, to believe in miracles again, to bring back to life the Katie I lost.

Now when I look back I realize that without you, Katie would not be alive and happy. Without you I would not have been alive and happy.

It was 15 days since i sent that letter but still there was no reply . Sitting in my grandfather’s study I read and reread that letter. This study was where he spent most of his time and so it was the place where I spent most of my time too. I really liked this place and so I kept it just the way grandpa had left it . I still spent most of my time there. Its walls were lined with Bookshelves that went up to the roof, on one side there was an entire wall of glass and from there the entire estate was visible. In the center of the study was a huge table and a chair, this was where he worked and that was where I sat.

That day while I was reading the letter again I was going over everything that had happened in the days leading up to my grandfather’s death, I was thinking about everything he had said. I was trying to find something, anything that could make sense of everything that had happened and then the letter came.

The first letter that someone other than my grandfather had written to me. It was a letter that looked like any other but it was the letter that changed my life.

Chapter 1

The day I decided to write that last letter was September 8th . It was … I don’t even remember what day it was and it does not even matter now. What matters is that in that last letter I said goodbye. I said I was never going to write again and I promised I would live. I promised I would smile. I promised I would move on and I promised I will never think of you again …. but I did. Not a single day went by when I didn’t think of you, where you were and  the promise I made to you;  why I did it. I thought about my decision to say goodbye.


Life is a very funny ordeal. It happens when you are busy planning about how it should happen, and the irony is that it is rarely the way you imagine it to be. I for one never thought that I would end up spending my entire childhood  and full  ten years of my life writing letters. Letters in this day and age; who writes letters ?! Well I did. I was fascinated by the simple yet complex task of writing a letter to somebody, but I never had anyone I could send them to so I just  wrote them and piled them up.

Some of them I wrote to my grandfather. Now if I think about it I think most of them were to him ….maybe all. My grandfather was a great man and a truly grand grandfather. He was the only one who understood my obsession with  letters. The only one who could see right through my typical teenage facade. He could always tell me I was something more, someone  different and special.

So when I started writing letters, I wrote my first letter to him and sent it to him quite ironically with his help. He even made a great show of receiving the mysterious letter and reading it ,and he even replied! My grandfather was a very busy man. Honestly everyone in my family was. They all had a lot of work, all the time. My Dad and all of his siblings had their own businesses to run, my mom helped my dad and so was away on trips with him most of the time. My Grandfather was still the theoretical owner of everything so he had look after everybody. Whenever I asked him if he was busy, he could tell me that he was like everyone else did but he always said I was his princess and that he would always have time for me.
That is why I spent almost all of my childhood in the company of my grandfather.

It wasn’t that everyone else didn’t love me. They did . I was the only child and I was my grandfather’s favorite. At all parties and dinners I was the main attraction sometimes people thought I was a worthy companion but most of the time it was to impress my grandfather ….like maybe if they could win over me they would be his favorites too. My parents got me many huge presents from all their trips. I had it all if you look at it one way but my life wasn’t perfect but then that’s the thing about life, it can’t be perfect ..It is relative. We all have struggles and pain but all our pain and struggles are of different kinds, but the way we act or feel in the face of them is almost the same.

Back to letters, well I used to write everything. Every feeling, every lesson, every life changing thought, all of it except gossip and I used to send them to my grandfather.

Apart from my family and my grandfather, I really didn’t have anybody to call my friend though there were a lot of people who called me their “friend” . I wasn’t comfortable in talking about things as much as I was while writing about them,  so I didn’t talk much, just listened. Somewhere down the line it made me the ideal friend and a very quiet human being. I grew up to be that way. It wasn’t as if I didn’t talk at all. I did. I spoke when I had to, when I was supposed  to  and when I was with my grandfather.

—-

Then one day suddenly, my world changed. It broke down to its very core, it broke into a million pieces which cannot, no matter how hard you try, be put back together the way they were. My grandfather fell ill. Very ill. The doctors said he only had a few days, no one argued with them, they all knew better than to challenge experts from around the globe. But I did. I questioned them every day. I called many more people and doctors, there had to be a way through which I could save him. All of them had the same answer. ‘We can’t do anything at this stage’.

After all my futile attempts I gave up and I wrote a letter to my grandfather telling him I was sorry and that his special angel cannot save him.

He read it and he laughed. He said I had already saved him . He said I was his light of hope and hope always has the power to save people. He made me promise never to give up hope and he made me believe one last time that I was special .

Before he took his last breaths he told me the world is not what it seems. He said there are things I need to know but he doesn’t have time to explain, and in the end he told me never to stop writing letters to him. I thought he was joking and he must have sensed it. So to make me believe that he really wanted me to write letters he gave me an address. He wrote it on a paper from his bedside and gave it to me. He said that’s where I should post the letters to and that I should never stop because without me he would be lost .

His words confused me like they often did. He was a very well educated and an experienced man, he looked at the world from a view that no one has yet discovered. He could see in people what they couldn’t see in themselves. He could change the world and he did; At Least mine and I will be forever grateful to him for that. I regret not getting too much time with him but I am glad that I got the years that I did, for without knowing him and his way of looking at the world I could never do what I was meant to or what I wanted to do for that matter.

 

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A beginning …..

Hi ..

I love writing and reading . Maybe I love reading a little more but writing for me has always been a passion .I feel that writing gives me wings , the wings I have longed for my entire life . The wings I imagined like a little child . And so I write . I write quite a lot , but I don’t share it with anyone because I write it for myself , for my soul .

Therefore I am going to keep this blog anonymous. I am not going to tell you the details about my life or relationships and I am definitely not going to tell you who I am or what I do ….rather I am going to tell you a story . A story that I am writing so its currently work under progress . I will try writing a chapter(or at least a page each week) .

I can also maybe share some poems and life lessons that i learnt from insignificant (at the same time very significant ) everyday things but really there is nothing I can say about life that all of us don’t  already know. We know who we are and what we want . We know what our life is all about and we know that its beautiful . The difference is some of us realize it and accept it while others get lost in the sea of materialistic insignificant  things ….

I don’t even know if anyone out there is ever going to read my attempt at what can vaguely be defined as writing but this world is full of 7 billion people surely there is at least one who will be interested and I will be forever grateful to that one !!

So I am full of hope that someone out there somewhere will come across my blog and read it ; and I know I will smile because even that one will Matter !!

Thank you 🙂 ,

—-The Miniature Light—-